You Can't Escape
by XXforget-x-me-x-notXX
Summary: Hiding behind my mask. No one knows me at all. ONE-SHOT


**Random and slightly pointless introduction: **This is a little one-shot, dedicated to Eric Cartman. Who I love. Despite his... you know...

Well I love him anyway. But I tend to torture him in stories.

I do this only to characters that I love. Don't ask me why.

Okay, so I know Cartman didn't actually move from Nevada to Colorado in second grade. It's a fan fiction. Get over it.

Kind of a Songfic of _Where will you go _by Evanescence.

Please review, I'd love to know what you think.

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_**You're too important for anyone**_

_**You play the role of all you long to be**_

__Just my average day. Hiding behind my mask. No one knows me at all. Not my mom, not my best friends, not my teachers... No one. Yeah, I'm _that _good at hiding my feelings and feigning someone else's personality. It's not _me _that they all see. They all see the person I created. I don't like that person any more than they do.

_**But I, I know who you really are**_

_**You're the one who cries when you're alone**_

__But at this point, does it even matter? They all see me as "a fat racist self-centered intolerant manipulating sociopath," as Kyle once so colorfully put it. Nothing has changed since then. They all think that _he _is me. But he's not... I swear. All those times I insulted them... it was to hide the hurt that they were causing me.

_**But where will you go**_

_**With no one left to save you from yourself**_

__I didn't make fun of them first. It's hard to believe, but I was as friendly and happy-go-lucky as Pip or Butters. But I learned. Oh, I learned. They all made fun of me. They taunted me to no end. They called me fat, they said I was stupid, and they bullied me into thinking that I was.

_**You can't escape**_

_**You can't escape**_

__I changed myself. Or, rather, I _tried _to change myself. I threw insults right back, learned from my stupid mistakes. I tried to be nice. That wasn't a good idea. They laughed as me. They even threw food at me. I hid in the bathrooms until they left. Then I just cried by myself.

_**You think that I can't see **_

_**Right through your eyes**_

__I hated myself. I hated myself for not being strong enough to suck it up and be a man. Of course, I was only five at the time. I was fragile. Honestly, though, I'm still fragile. Every insult Kyle has ever thrown has hurt me to no end. When they ignored me, I wanted to kill myself. Every single time Butters or Pip was bullied, even if it was by me, I wanted to cry for them, cry with them...

_**Scared to death to face reality**_

_**No one seems to hear your hidden cries**_

__The _they _that drove me to creating my fake self aren't Kyle, Stan, Kenny, or anyone else from South Park. In second grade, I moved away from that school, my own personal _hell_. I didn't understand this at the time, but we didn't move away to make me _happier._

_**You're left to face yourself alone**_

_**But where will you go (where will you go)**_

__My mom had slept with everyone in town and was _bored. _She didn't care that her little kid was being tormented at his school. The counselor and the principal had told her that I was bullied multiple times. She did nothing. I didn't realize that she could've stopped it at the time. But now I know. She didn't care about me. She _doesn't _care about me. Never has, never will.

_**With no one left to save you from yourself**_

_**You can't escape**_

__Then I got here, to South Park. I wasn't an idiot. I could tell that the bullies were more popular than the stupid, innocent, sweet kids. I learned that from my old school, and Butters and Pip made me realize just how incredibly _right _I was.

_**The truth**_

_**I realize you're afraid (I realize)**_

__I wanted South Park to be different. I wanted people to like me. I wanted them to think I was cool. I didn't want... to relive what I went through in Nevada. I was beaten up daily. People made fun of my weight, my mom, my voice, my clothes... Anything they could think of, anything at all. They tore me apart.

_**But you can't abandon everyone**_

_**You can't escape**_

__South Park wasn't very different at first. You think I made fun of Kyle first? Oh, no. The first day of second grade, he laughed and commented on how fat I was. The insult stabbed me in the heart. I chose the only way out that I could think of. I insulted him right back. People laughed and high-fived me. I felt happier.

_**You don't want to escape**_

_**I'm so sick of speaking words **_

__But then I couldn't escape. They always expected me to make fun of _everyone. _Now I had become the very thing that had killed me when I was younger. But I didn't stop it. I just kept going at it. I made fun of Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Craig, Butters... Anyone at all, really. But it physically hurt me inside to do it. I didn't want to be a bully.

_**That no one understands**_

_**Is it clear enough **_

__I felt like I had to.

_**That you can't live your whole life all alone?**_

_**I can hear you in a whisper**_

__I'm _not _the person I created. I never have been. Everyone just thinks I am. I don't like it. But I _need _it. They'd hate me even more if they knew me. They'd laugh. They'd call me a pussy. They'd see my vulnerability. Just like those other kids did all those years ago.

_**But you can't even hear me screaming**_

_**Where will you go (where will you go)**_

__I'm in twelfth grade now. I'm going to graduate without ever having someone see the person I really was. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Better to graduate with people that hate me for what I'm not than with people who hate me for what I am. It's better this way.

_**With no one left to save you from yourself**_

_**You can't escape**_

__They don't know, they'll never know me. I won't let them, I won't.

_**The truth**_

_**I realize you're afraid (I realize)**_

__I remember hiding every time it wasn't class. I feared them so much. I didn't want them to hurt me... They made me so scared. I thought they might kill me. I would lock myself in a closet and just cry. I wondered why they hated me. I had never given them a reason to. They just wanted me to suffer, and I wasn't strong enough to shield myself.

_**But you can't reject the whole world**_

_**You can't escape**_

__I'll never go back to Nevada.

_**You won't escape**_

_**You can't escape**_

__I'll never be able to escape the person I forced myself to be. But I don't want to escape. He protects me. He shields me. He blocks the hurt as best as he can.

_**You don't want to escape**_


End file.
